Live music and substance abuse isn’t spoken about in the right context

Content Warning: This article discusses mental health and depression. If you or someone you know are affected by the following story, you are not alone. To speak to someone, you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

When COVID struck earlier this year I was already in the midst of a mental breakdown. In the months of January and February I had been committed to the mental health ward twice by the police because of some fairly serious incidents involving my welfare. It was probably the lowest point of my life. I somehow managed to maintain work and gigs, but behind the scenes things were coming apart. If it wasn’t for some very close touring family looking out for me, coming to hospital with me and caring for me, I would not have made it – that’s a fact.

My name is Dan Nash, I’ve been a FOH/TM for around six years full time and an Audio Engineer since the age of 18. I’ve never really had a real job, real jobs suck! I’m currently working for Jack River and Thelma Plum. My past Clients include Mansionair, Odette, Wafia, E^st, JOY, Eves Karydas and many more. 

The events leading up to the breakdown  were a mixture of things. A divorce, years of trying to find my place in the world and using alcohol and drugs to hide my emotions and gain confidence. Trying to learn how to have a life touring and a life at home.

I attended rehab in March last year for 60 days. It was probably the happiest I had ever been when I was there, but I missed touring, I missed my wife and of course my gorgeous little girl.

Before rehab, it was becoming apparent I couldn’t really hide what was going on anymore. The touring world is the perfect place to camouflage addiction problems. I would drop a band off to the hotel and pretend to go to bed but would head out and drink all night, a lot of times I would land in Sydney and head straight to a hotel and have a bender for a few days instead of going home to my family. Rehab was the only way to get out of this cycle.

I guess I’m telling you all this because when I did eventually decide to go public with my addiction and mental health issues, I received nothing but love and support from my touring families and beyond. It is incredibly daunting making that choice, your mind goes straight to “I’m never going to work again, nobody will hire me after this”.

It was the complete opposite. I received messages from all over the place, a lot of which were from people going through the exact same thing, thanking me for speaking up and not being ashamed of what was going on (although the shame was, and in some ways is, still unbearable).

I don’t really want to go on about the live music industry and substance abuse. It is there, it is happening, and it doesn’t get spoken about enough in the right context. It can get very lonely when touring and drinking excessively everyday becomes very normal very quickly. Throw in some depression, anxiety and come unresolved childhood trauma and it becomes a ticking time bomb.

So when Covid hit, I had already decided to move back in with my dad, focus on my daughter and basically lock myself away from the world while I got sober  and focused again. At this point I had a lot of time on my hands, I decided now was a good time to start writing some words down, words turned into melodies, which turned into me buying some home studio gear and beginning to work on real songs. 

There was some seriously dark stuff coming out but amongst all of that was what I thought were some really nice songs, songs that meant something, songs that sounded nice. It motivated me very quickly to keep doing it, so I did. Now it’s November and I’m about to release my first three songs. CRAZY!

Check out Dan Nash’s song ‘Coming Around’:

Calls for gigs are starting to roll back in. I’ve been lucky enough to receive Jobkeeper as well as some amazing help from Support Act. It angers me greatly that the live entertainment industry has been left behind with all this. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to explain to “civilians” that what I do is a full-time job. I’m good at it, I get paid well for it, and I love it.

I’m not really sure how the public thinks all these shows happen and who works on them, it’s kinda frustrating. I worry about my friends and colleagues through this time. I’m no angel and have had my ups and downs this year, I’m still trying to find my place in the world, I still fall off the wagon every now and then, but I’m happier. Something has changed.

Going through this stuff has really put a lot of pressure on a lot of people. It’s hard to really fathom what kind of effect this has had on the mental health of people working in this industry. 

I’m glad the Government has increased the maximum amount of psych appointments available for free. I max out mine every year and it just becomes impossible to keep it going due to the cost. 

More should be made available to us in this industry. We are the first to arrive and last to leave every night, and now it looks like we will be the first to fall and last to rise. It doesn’t really seem fair to me. Myself along with many others have sacrificed everything for what we do, relationships, friends, health and sanity. I wish more people understood exactly what it takes to do it.

If you or someone you know is in need of support, please contact:

Support Act 1800 959 500

Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636

Lifeline 13 11 14

Rough Patch Counselling (02) 7226 0809

This article originally appeared on The Industry Observer, which is now part of The Music Network.