Your guide to decoding press releases and PR emails

As intrepid journalists working in today’s music media, we tend to receive a number of press releases spruiking bands, tours, and indie darlings each day. That number is a billion.

With the heroic aim of providing a handy guide to those hoping to decode the terminology used within these emails, we have compiled this handy glossary of terms you may find in a music-based press release.

Print this out. Twice.

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Up-and-coming: Nobody has heard of them yet, but I am working to change this. In fact, it’s my job!

Get in quick because this one is going to sell out: We booked a room that’s too big, so we really need to move tickets as early as possible, in case we need to downgrade the venue.

Due to VISA issues: That weed bust when the guitarist was 19 has really come back to bite us, hasn’t it?

Due to unforeseen circumstances: The tour isn’t as financially viable as we’d have hoped.

Limited-edition release: We pressed 300 CDs, ‘cos that was the minimum order at Troy Horse – let’s see what happens.

Unconventional sound: It’s hard to work out what these guys are going for. It’s kinda Flume-ish but Kings Of Leony?

Futuristic: Uses synths from the ’80s

Nostalgic: Uses synths from the ’80s

Old-school: Came out in 2008.

A who’s who of rock and roll: A who’s that?? of rock and roll.

Intimate live show: In the room above a cafe.

Unhinged live show: Not technically proficient, don’t practice enough.

Local favourites: Yet to perform outside a 20km radius of their rehearsal space, which is the bass player’s garage, which means the bass player’s mum parks the Fiesta in the street every second Wednesday.

Has rubbed shoulders with rock and roll royalty: Met Dave Gleeson from the Screaming Jets once.

IMPORTANT/ATTN: Hey mum, look. Mum, look! Mum! MUM! Mum, you’re not watching. MUM. You missed it.

These guys are getting a LOT of buzz: These guys are NOT getting a lot of buzz.

This is a passion project for the artist: This is a wildly uncommercial project; the artist knows it, and knows you know it, too.

Sorry to hassle you: I have no qualms in hassling you.

Just wondering if you saw this: I have no qualms in hassling you.

Just following up on the below: I have no qualms in hassling you.

While I’ve got you, I was also wondering: The first email was a depth charge, and this is my real request.

We love your blog: This is a bulk email.

The Beach Boys are touring: The good Beach Boys are dead, Brian Wilson is legally blocked from touring under that name, and Mike Love and a bunch of other dudes will play the ten songs from that Greatest Hits you bought at Target in 1993.

Did we miss any? Add them in the comments. Or email Poppy. She loves it.

This article originally appeared on The Industry Observer, which is now part of The Music Network.